The votes from Oklahoma are presented by a guy who doesn't need to introduce himself: just be aware of his presence... This Man knows how to get out of checkmate... This Man can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together... This Man can cut through a hot knife with butter...
Ladies and gentlemen... This Man wasn't simply born in Oklahoma: Oklahoma was created to be the cradle of this Man...
Howdy Lucy, America, God and the Universe! Thanks for staging this beautiful show for me. I think my buddy Blake Shelton did pretty well, but if I had decided to participate, I would have received a dozen 12 points from every state - and other singers would have been too embarassed to sing.
By the way, God just prayed to me not to let Vermont win, and I decided to answer his prayers.
You know, I once...
...eh, what?! You don't tell me to hurry up. I tell Time to slow down.
Don't mess with me. You know even Death once had a Chuck Norris experience, right?
But alright, let's move on to the points.
1 point goes to...
Massachusetts!
If you manage to scare me, the least thing you deserve is a point. A very original choice, but the song doesn't really please Chuck... I mean Oklahoma.
2 points go to...
Tennessee!
Pretty decent, but not very exciting.
3 points go to...
Florida!
Nice and dreamy song, just a smidge boring.
4 points go to...
Minnesota!
Nice song: it just takes some time to really get goin'.
5 points go to...
California!
Good song, Chuck likes the sound of it.
6 points go to...
North Carolina!
Catchy refrain - and Chuck and Oklahoma are happy to hear a hip hop song. You know I invented hip hop by the way? One day I was.... OK OK, I'll tell you another time.
7 points go to...
Alabama
A typical Song Contest song, with dancing hippie girls, an easy melody and silly empty lyrics. You know I use hippies as fire wood by the way?
8 points go to...
Texas!
Beautiful song: I immediately liked it. Our beloved neighbors did a good job. Nice to see a clip shot in Paris too. Speaking about Paris, did I tell you what I did to Paris Hilton once? Wanna hear?
10 points go to...
Colorado!
Very beautiful. These neighbors also know what good music is. You can see what the proximity of Chuck Norris does to music. Great.
12 points go to...
CHUCK NORRIS! Who has just been added as the 51st state of the United States, named President, and kicked the world's ass with a single blow of his little finger!
What do you mean: I can't give points to myself? I didn't give these points to myself, they just came to me. It's like gravity.
Anyway, I give Oklahoma's 12 points to...
NEVADA!
Very nice and catchy song! A song about my life: on top of the world!
So no points for...
Oregon: nice song, close to gettin' a point, but not very exciting.
Kentucky: decent song, but not very remarkable.
New York: beautiful music, ugly voice.
Arkansas: great song, but very poor sound quality! There are better versions of the same song to be found on YouTube. Such a shame.
Illinois: whiny song.
Mississippi: OK nice to see Elvis. But there is a reason why Elvis decided to quit. The reason is called Chuck.
Georgia: unique sound, but also kinda boring (and long). Pretty beautiful, but no 'Song Contest' material.
Washington: boring, I forgot it a second after the final note.
Connecticut: boring choice.
Vermont: This is awful. It hurts. Please. Stop. Now.
Poll
